low days: getting support
A continuation of these thoughts. And these ones too.
There are ways we support ourselves, and there are ways that others support us. Is it possible to support ourselves when we are low?
I think it is.
So, two ways of support. Supporting ourselves and support from others. Let's break that down. Supporting ourselves comes through setting realistic expectations, and putting a contingency plan in place for what kind of expectations you can have of yourself when you are in a low. Pick and choose from your various duties and obligations which really, really matter.
If I suddenly found out that my spouse, child, parent, dear friend was sick and needed intense care...what Really Matters would become crystal clear. Me and my family need to pray. And eat. And need to listen to and love each other. Way, way down on this list, is a little bit of order, a little tiny place that stays orderly so that I can clear my mind.
I need to have a bath. If I just found out I had six months to live, I would live very differently. But I would still have a bath. Cause it makes me feel happy.
Vacuuming, making of beds, company, family and personal obligations quickly fall off the list. Seriously, make a list of things that Really Matter. Errands, shopping, laundry would quickly fall off the list and my day might look something like this, if we went into a crisis:
Friday, April 21st
Get up. Brush teeth.
Pray together.
Feed the children.
Pray.
Read together.
Phone Sparky at work.
Snuggle and pray.
Have toast on paper plates.
Do one load of laundry. Just the bare minimum.
Hold hands and go for a walk.
Pray.
Spend five minutes tidying the one small area of order established.
Eat soup out of a can that's reasonably healthy that Sparky picked up on his way home from work.
Have a bath.
Pray together.
Spend another five minutes in that one small area of sanity.
All go to sleep in the same bed, it's just easier.
I can do that when I'm in a crisis, I can! I don't have to always be thinking of housework and schoolwork and meals and laundry and all the responsibilities I have. I can take breaks from thinking when I need to.
We support ourselves in two ways. By being gentle with ourselves. And by asking for help. Which brings me to part two of Getting Support, getting support from others.
Getting support from others comes in a variety of ways, but first and foremost, it is a verbal thing. You know, communication. Telling someone that you are having trouble. Now, there is a world of difference between "unburdening your troubles for support" and "complaining." This world of difference comes in one word: Charity.
Lack of charity towards others is a twofold problem. Firstly it simply makes us just sound like complainers, fault finders, whiners. Which sometimes we are. But it often is just a forum for gossip. To talk about others uncharitably is clearly bad for us. But often it becomes toxic when we are talking to another, as in a gossip session.
There is an old saying,
Shared joy is joy doubled,
shared sorrow is sorrow halved.
Talking to our spouse or a friend is half of the battle of low times.
But to express our burdens, even if part of the burden is other people in our life, talking badly of others rarely has the effect of halving that sorrow. It usually increases our sorrow, our bad feelings towards others and makes us feel even worse.
Accept help when other's offer it. Don't be afraid to ask for help when needed. It may not be possible for that person to help you, maybe they are also in a time of need. Have more than one person in your life who you can call on. Get counselling if necessary. Counselling is not a bad word. Reach out. To someone trustworthy.
Originally published June 17 2014
