actively connecting

To actively connect with your child is to pursue building the relationship. Intentionally. For most children, in a loving relationship with their parents, connection is passive. The child, because of the natural love they know from their parents, are comfortable in that love.

 For a difficult child, or for kids during their difficult phases, the establishment of the bond of love must be made almost every time we interact with them.

It is like the wires need reconnecting before flipping the switch is effective.

The assurance of our love, regardless of how full, how unconditional it is, must be established all through the day.  Consider the baby, who, when picked up from sleeping, seeks out eye contact before all else.  Then baby can look around, see what's happening in the room, on the ceiling, stuff their fist in their mouth....only after they have sought the eye contact which lets them know they are loved and everything is okay.

Consider a situation like this.  A child walks through the door from the yard and drops their coat on the floor. We say in a pleasant voice, "please hang your coat up!"  For one child, they would just pick their coat up.  For another child, it might be a meltdown in the making.  Or, we say in an annoyed voice, "how many times have I told you not to leave your coat on the floor?!"  Guaranteed meltdown.

Or maybe this.  The child walks in and drops their coat on the floor.  and we say, "hi honey! Did you have fun out there?"  We make a little small talk THEN say, "oh, could you pick up your coat, please,   
do you want to read a story then, or you could help me make dinner if you like."

It seems like such a small thing, but seriously, what a change in family dynamics, to spend a few minutes a day, priming the relationships.  It becomes a habit so that we end up priming all the relationships in our home all the time.  Build up each other.

Help your child to handle disappointment.

"But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, and put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing."

1 Thessalonians 5, 8-11

June 18, 2013