The most profound misconceptions regarding Attachment Parenting lie in this area: authority.  Many people believe that putting the relationship as the priority, over the issue is usurping one’s own authority as a parent.
But we all know that governance of people where there is trust, and in the family, love; governance is more successful and far more likely to achieve both loyalty and obedience.  Good governance, guidance and building trust do not ensure a perfect nation.  But it reduced the risk of uprising.

To govern with arbitrary laws and rules without giving the people a voice will lead to a people who may obey, but it is out of fear.  It will lead to a people who will be looking to rise up against an oppressor, regardless or whether they are oppressed by laws or violence or both.

In the family, between husband and wife, and between parents and children, there is a natural order of authority which is God given.  If however, one is forced to submit to the other out of fear, trust cannot exist.  If one submits willingly and with love and respect it is because  their environment is one of trust.  In the home, governing one’s family in an atmosphere of trust rather than fear doesn’t ensure a perfect family.  But it reduced the risk of rebellion.

When children “rise up” like a nation might against an oppressor, it is in defiance and rebellion against their parents. Not their peers, rarely the culture.  Their parents.  As Christians, do we want our children to rebel against their parents?  This often means opposing or leaving the very Faith that parents have worked so hard to cultivate in their children.
But this does not mean that children get their way. Or make the rules.  The adults are given charge, by God, provide or the children he gives them, and to protect them. The adults make the rules and enforce them.  They should be just rules, but that will mean different things in different families.  When the child feels frustration about the No’s in life, just hear them.  But a No is still a No.

A wife is far more inclined to willingly submit to her husband’s authority if the relationship is built on trust.  If she know that her best interests and her spiritual life are his foremost concern.  

There is no magic rule book that says what the rules are that must be enforced.  This will vary from family to family and culture to culture.  It can even vary situationally.  Important to note that rules need to be reasonable.

I’ll give a couple of examples in case you don’t know what I’m talking about.  Then I think Nuff Said about this particular rant.

I’m okay with my toddlers taking the books off the bookshelves.  I set my books up in such a way that the books accessible to them will come to little harm and if there is a pile of books on the floor at night to clean up, I am okay with putting them away.

Another family might have zero tolerance for books being pulled off bookshelves.  And it is completely okay for them to decide they are going to enforce that rule.  Toddlers can learn anything.  

I’m not okay with my toddlers wandering around the house with food.  We eat at the table.  If food is being carried around the house, it gets put away until toddler or bigger person, even, sits at the table.  And that is okay.  And, if another mother has no problem with food being carried around, that’s okay too.  We all have to weigh out what matters to us, what bugs us, what causes undue stress.  We pick and choose.   And in that framework our children learn to develop an understanding and an ability to handle life’s little disappointments.

Okay.  Nuff Said for now on this topic.